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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24068905">Stupid Hats</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkdododo/pseuds/sharkdododo'>sharkdododo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Soup Universe [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Imprisonment, harry wears a stupid hat, voldemort does not bc he's a little bitch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:42:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>941</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24068905</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkdododo/pseuds/sharkdododo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry attends his first Wizengamot session. His attendance is not of his own volition, and neither is his choice of headgear.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Potter &amp; Tom Riddle | Voldemort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Soup Universe [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1620049</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>92</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Stupid Hats</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/duplicity/gifts">duplicity</a>.</li>


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22009465">Til Death Do Us Part</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/duplicity/pseuds/duplicity">duplicity</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>beta'd by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/duplicity/pseuds/duplicity">duplicity</a>!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There was a loud clatter as the wall to his cell peeled back. Harry sat up on his cot and rubbed at his eyes, disrupting the two cats from their comfortable positions on his stomach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wha–” he mumbled, not awake yet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wake up, Potter,” Voldemort snapped, brisk and far too awake for the hour.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Harry glanced at the small window and saw that the sun had yet to rise. “What </span>
  <em>
    <span>time </span>
  </em>
  <span>is it? What’s going on?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Voldemort tossed a garment bag at Harry. “Get dressed. We leave in 10 minutes.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Leave?” Harry asked, fumbling to open the garment bag. Then he froze as he took in the unmistakable plum of Wizengamot robes. “What the fuck.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Voldemort smirked, a look of pure malice in his eyes. “You will be accompanying me to this morning’s meeting of the Wizengamot.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Harry blinked. The words were refusing to make sense. It had been– quite some time since he had been captured, and not once in that time had he left the manor. And it had been quite some time since he had even left his cell, since Voldemort seemed to think that any second spent with Toodles and Gluten was effective torture. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hopefully Voldemort wouldn’t figure out that he was developing a resistance to the allergens. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to leave…?” Harry asked, since Voldemort seemed to expect him to change but had yet to move from his spot near the opening in the wall. “So I can change?” he added, in case his question had been unclear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Voldemort stared at him for a long moment, then spun on his heel in a tight circle, so he was facing the opening in the wall with his back to Harry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Harry sighed, figuring this was the best he was going to get. He got to his feet and donned the ostentatious and ridiculous Wizengamot robes with as much speed as his sleep-sluggish body could muster. “Alright,” Harry said. “I’m ready.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Voldemort turned to face him and eyed him up and down. Harry sighed again, wishing he was still asleep. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then Voldemort pulled out his wand and pointed it at Harry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For the first time that morning, feelings of fear set into him. But before he could do anything more than stare in alarm, Voldemort had cast freshening charms and– Harry patted at his hair– a hair-flattening charm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” asked Harry, bewildered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“One last thing,” Voldemort said, a disturbing smile curling his lips upwards. He pulled something out of his pocket and tapped it with his wand, producing a… hat? “You will, of course, need to wear the traditional hat of the Wizengamot.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Voldemort stood there, holding the hat out expectantly. Harry gathered that Voldemort was waiting for him to come and take it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Harry said. He took that hat, placed the stupid thing on his head, and stared at Voldemort, ready to get this whole thing over with. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Voldemort nodded in satisfaction. “Let us be on our way,” he said, striding out into the hallway, Wizengamot robes billowing out behind him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Harry jumped, startled by the sudden transition to moving. He chased after Voldemort, trying to catch up to the man. As Harry held his hand up to make sure the stupid hat stayed on his head, his eyes on Voldemort’s rapidly advancing back, he realized what was missing from Voldemort’s ensemble. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Harry said, panting a little as he pulled even with Voldemort. “Where’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>stupid hat?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Voldemort glanced at Harry out of the corner of his eye, pace unrelenting. “It is not a stupid hat. It is a traditional piece of Wizarding history, and an integral part of the Wizengamot uniform. As the Minister for Magic, I hold a place apart from the Wizengamot. My lack of headwear is representative of my higher status.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Harry paused, then decided it was too early to censor himself. “Sounds like you just don’t want to wear a stupid hat.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Voldemort said nothing, only walked faster. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“My lord,” said Lucius. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were all standing in some sort of antechamber near the Wizengamot meeting room. Harry was more or less awake now, and he was very hungry. There was food on buffet-style tables along the edges of the room. Harry stared at them, eyes filled with longing. He was willing to bet that those tables held </span>
  <em>
    <span>normal</span>
  </em>
  <span> food. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Harry, you will be with Lucius for the duration of the meeting,” said Voldemort. Then he turned and strode off to speak with someone else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Harry glanced at Lucius, then back at the food, and his stomach rumbled. “Do you mind if we wait over there?” he asked, pointing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lucius sighed, sounding much put upon, then nodded. “Very well,” he said. “If the other alternative is listening to your stomach protest throughout the meeting.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Harry stood by the buffet table, plate in hand, he listened to Lucius’s running commentary on who was who. It was, for the most part, exceptionally boring. Harry had no reason to care– he was pretty sure that Voldemort had only brought him along so as to force him to wake before dawn and wear this stupid outfit. None of this information was likely to come up again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But when Lucius began to speak in a hushed voice, Harry couldn’t help but pay attention. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And that,” he said, pointing out a nondescript man who was also wearing the complete Wizengamot outfit, “is Jughead Jones. The other members of the Wizengamot and I have noticed that he’s weird.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Weird?” Harry asked. There didn’t seem to be anything off about the man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s a weirdo. We have never seen him without the stupid hat on. That's weird."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>the aforementioned stupid hats: </p><p> </p><p>  </p><p> <br/>the result of senioritis powered procrastination! please comment :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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